The Day after Boston
I sit here at my desk the morning after one of the biggest tragedies in marathon history with a heavy heart. Just to be clear, I was not there but I have "lived" it through Facebook, news articles, and my friends first hand accounts. My heart is heavy and I'm conflicted.
On one hand I am ecstatic that all of the people that I know who were there are accounted for and OK physically. One friend of mine finished, literally, 3 minutes before the bomb went off.
I had been watching her times on the feed all morning. She was having a rough day. I could tell from the times. When I saw her time come up as 4:06 I was relieved and filled with joy for what she had endured. Her times over the 26.2 miles were steadily getting slower so I was just happy she was able to finish. At that moment, I sent her a text message congratulating her as a "BOSTON FINISHER". She is our running club president and one to always return a text, always picks up the phone (even during a run) and always messages back on Facebook. I waited several minutes and didn't get a response. Huh....weird. Oh well....and proceeded with my day.
About 20 minutes later I just decided to check the news to see if anything was going on. With the news filled with North Korea talks, what super star was starring in a porn and news of the Masters, I wasn't thinking I would see much. Then all of a sudden, on a ticker, there comes across a news break that there was an explosion at the Boston Marathon. My jaw hit the floor. This can't be real. This has to be fake. Is it April's Fools again? Amateur photo shows a big puff of smoke. Oh SH*T!!!! What is happening?
In a world of instant news, my first stop was Facebook and Twitter. What's happening? What's going on? How many people hurt? Are my friends hurt? So many questions with very few details.
If it were possible to wear out a refresh button, yesterday would have been the day it would have happened. I had 4 tabs open on my browser. One for Facebook. One for Twitter. One for Fox News. One for the Des Moines Register. I was watching live news coverage, looking to see if any of my friends were in the photos, looking for something...anything.
As more and more reports started coming in I was looking for anyone with connections to friends that were there. Our running club FB page was exploding. "Is _______ OK?" "Is ______ OK?" "Has anyone heard from _______?" At this point, I don't care how or what exactly happened. Just tell me that my friends are OK.
Slowly. One-by-one we start to get confirmation that our club members are fine. Shaken up more than anything. Phone service is sketchy so everyone is reaching out via FB or Twitter. All members accounted for and ready to head home.
I got an email from our club VP to all of the board members wanting to know who would be available to do an interview for a local TV station. I know where the station is and was close so I said I could make it. The whole ride was listening to reports on NPR and the very few details that were coming in. Two reported blasts, one contained blast, one more package found. This isn't an accident. This is an attack. Now, reports are still coming out and I am not going to jump to conclusions on motive, persons, groups, but this is an "act of terror".
Upon reaching the interview, my stomach was still in knots. Who would do this? These runners/spectators were hurting NO ONE. This is a moment in some peoples lives that they have been waiting decades for. Ugh.....The reporter was very nice. Very welcoming and comforting. We answered all of his questions, but part of me just wanted to cry. I don't cry often, but 99% of these people that were there I don't know, but they are part of "my community". The interview went well and we left. On my drive home all I could do was think. What if I was there? This would have been right around when I would have finished. Would I have said I love you to my wife and kids that morning? Was there anyone that I would have had a grudge against that I wouldn't have reconciled with? So many "What if's" left unanswered.
I made my way to my daughter's first t-ball practice of the year. I drove up. Still shaking. Still listening to reports come in. My stomach is not settling. I walk up and there is my wife, bundled up watching practice. There is Mini Me. Being singled out for how perfectly she was throwing the ball. I should have been ecstatic because she was paying attention, but all I could feel was confusion...pain...anger...
On the way home, not a word was spoken between me and my girls. The radio was on and reports were still coming in. Normally I shield my kids from this kind of thing but I couldn't do it this time. We get home and the TV went on. This is NOT normal in our house. The TV rarely comes on until the kids have been laid down for the night but I couldn't tonight.
The reports were the same. Nothing new, but I had to hear for myself updated numbers. I don't know why I had to know, but I had to know.
As we sat down for dinner all I wanted to do was cry. I wasn't hungry. My stomach still hurt. But we sat down to eat as a family. In a busy world, this is the one thing that we can count on. Family dinner. Time together. Mini Me wanted to say the prayer before we ate, but I couldn't let her. Not tonight. I had to get this off of my chest and wanted my family to be a part of our dinner time prayer. What was said is between God and my family but I also prayed for understanding and comfort for me. A sense of calm came over me and I was able to eat. I wanted to go for a run, but knew that we had a movie to watch that we paid $6 to rent, that's a story for another time, and wanted to be able to watch the 10 o'clock news. The movie was a comedy, I had a beer and sat down with my best friend (wife) and just relaxed but my mind wouldn't "power down" as I was hoping.
We watched the movie, had a few laughs, watched the 10 o'clock news (there I was), watched some more coverage and went to bed but sleep was not in the cards this night. I couldn't get my mind to shut off. How were my friends? Were there any more deaths? How can I help the "community? All questions still left unanswered. I saw the clock hit 11:00. 12:00. 1:00. Finally around 2:00 am I finally got to sleep. So much for "much needed rest".
I woke up later than normal, did my normal routine of washing lunch boxes, packing lunch, making coffee, making breakfast and getting ready for work all the while trying to keep my mind off of thinking. I wasn't myself this morning...lack of sleep may have something to do with it...
As I got in the car my first instinct was to turn off the radio. I didn't know if I wanted to hear anything more this morning, but there it was. The first report of the day that sucked me in and I was glued for the 20 minute drive to work. First hand accounts from reporters, runners, spectators.
When I got up this morning I threw on a race shirt. This was the way our "community" was going to stand strong. We are runners. We will persevere. I will be strong for my friends who were affected. I will be strong for our club and will support everyone who wants to discuss. But I sit here writing this in my Omaha Marathon shirt conflicted. I am supposed to be strong, but feel so weak. I am supposed to be happy that all of my friends are safe, but feel angry. I am supposed to be ready to run the biggest race of my life this weekend, but can't even focus on it.
September 11, 2001 will always have a place in my brain. I was glued to the TV for days/weeks but mostly because I was a journalism student and needed to be up-to-date on current events. I have no connection to the city of New York. I know of no one that was there on that day. But we were all left with a sense of Patriotism for the people that sacrificed their lives to save other people. My dad has been a firefighter for 30+ years. What would have happened if he were there. But the 2013 Boston Marathon is different. I know people there. I have studied the course. I know where the finish line is. I've watched course videos. I've spent hours looking at photos of race day. I've heard people talk about all of the good times that they've had during/after the race. I know the Boston Marathon. But I'm still left with the same question as 09/11...Why?
As I close this off, I want to point out the fact that I would love to help anyone involved in whatever way I can. I'm not rich so financial is out. I don't travel much so I don't know if I can travel to meet people. But I can offer this prayer to the One person that can heal all wounds. The One person that can fix a broken heart. The One person that knows why this happened and what we as humans/Americans can do to respond if we ask.
Dear God,
Thank you for this day. Another day to open my eyes and see the world. Another day to look at my wife and kids. There are some people today who won't get that chance. I pray for the people of Boston. I pray that like the people of New York City they are able to rise up from this cowardice act and make a better Boston. I pray for the people that traveled to Boston from all over the world. That they are able to go home and give their family members the hugs and kisses that they deserve. Only You know when our day and time will be called. I pray for the people of the nation that have watched the footage that they understand to not take today for granted. To say "I love you" to their kids and spouses and mend broken relationships. I pray for the people that were on the race course that day. I pray that they will seek you out to heal their emotional or psychological scars. I pray that people seek you out for answers. I pray that you will help heal the physical wounds of those who were affected. That You will give the doctors/nurses/surgeons steady hands and a heart that is soft to help people heal. I pray that the people who are responsible for this vicious act are apprehended and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. And for those people that did this...I pray for them. I don't know what they were going through. I pray that one day they will meet you and YOU will be the only judge of where they spend eternity. I pray for runners all over the world. I pray for all of their safety and that they never stop seeking out Boston. I pray that people continue to look at Boston as THE world marathon. Lord, today I also pray for me. For my healing. For my brain to know that You have all of the answers and that I can come to You for them.
I love you!
In Jesus name. Amen............
On one hand I am ecstatic that all of the people that I know who were there are accounted for and OK physically. One friend of mine finished, literally, 3 minutes before the bomb went off.
I had been watching her times on the feed all morning. She was having a rough day. I could tell from the times. When I saw her time come up as 4:06 I was relieved and filled with joy for what she had endured. Her times over the 26.2 miles were steadily getting slower so I was just happy she was able to finish. At that moment, I sent her a text message congratulating her as a "BOSTON FINISHER". She is our running club president and one to always return a text, always picks up the phone (even during a run) and always messages back on Facebook. I waited several minutes and didn't get a response. Huh....weird. Oh well....and proceeded with my day.
About 20 minutes later I just decided to check the news to see if anything was going on. With the news filled with North Korea talks, what super star was starring in a porn and news of the Masters, I wasn't thinking I would see much. Then all of a sudden, on a ticker, there comes across a news break that there was an explosion at the Boston Marathon. My jaw hit the floor. This can't be real. This has to be fake. Is it April's Fools again? Amateur photo shows a big puff of smoke. Oh SH*T!!!! What is happening?
In a world of instant news, my first stop was Facebook and Twitter. What's happening? What's going on? How many people hurt? Are my friends hurt? So many questions with very few details.
If it were possible to wear out a refresh button, yesterday would have been the day it would have happened. I had 4 tabs open on my browser. One for Facebook. One for Twitter. One for Fox News. One for the Des Moines Register. I was watching live news coverage, looking to see if any of my friends were in the photos, looking for something...anything.
As more and more reports started coming in I was looking for anyone with connections to friends that were there. Our running club FB page was exploding. "Is _______ OK?" "Is ______ OK?" "Has anyone heard from _______?" At this point, I don't care how or what exactly happened. Just tell me that my friends are OK.
Slowly. One-by-one we start to get confirmation that our club members are fine. Shaken up more than anything. Phone service is sketchy so everyone is reaching out via FB or Twitter. All members accounted for and ready to head home.
I got an email from our club VP to all of the board members wanting to know who would be available to do an interview for a local TV station. I know where the station is and was close so I said I could make it. The whole ride was listening to reports on NPR and the very few details that were coming in. Two reported blasts, one contained blast, one more package found. This isn't an accident. This is an attack. Now, reports are still coming out and I am not going to jump to conclusions on motive, persons, groups, but this is an "act of terror".
Upon reaching the interview, my stomach was still in knots. Who would do this? These runners/spectators were hurting NO ONE. This is a moment in some peoples lives that they have been waiting decades for. Ugh.....The reporter was very nice. Very welcoming and comforting. We answered all of his questions, but part of me just wanted to cry. I don't cry often, but 99% of these people that were there I don't know, but they are part of "my community". The interview went well and we left. On my drive home all I could do was think. What if I was there? This would have been right around when I would have finished. Would I have said I love you to my wife and kids that morning? Was there anyone that I would have had a grudge against that I wouldn't have reconciled with? So many "What if's" left unanswered.
I made my way to my daughter's first t-ball practice of the year. I drove up. Still shaking. Still listening to reports come in. My stomach is not settling. I walk up and there is my wife, bundled up watching practice. There is Mini Me. Being singled out for how perfectly she was throwing the ball. I should have been ecstatic because she was paying attention, but all I could feel was confusion...pain...anger...
On the way home, not a word was spoken between me and my girls. The radio was on and reports were still coming in. Normally I shield my kids from this kind of thing but I couldn't do it this time. We get home and the TV went on. This is NOT normal in our house. The TV rarely comes on until the kids have been laid down for the night but I couldn't tonight.
The reports were the same. Nothing new, but I had to hear for myself updated numbers. I don't know why I had to know, but I had to know.
As we sat down for dinner all I wanted to do was cry. I wasn't hungry. My stomach still hurt. But we sat down to eat as a family. In a busy world, this is the one thing that we can count on. Family dinner. Time together. Mini Me wanted to say the prayer before we ate, but I couldn't let her. Not tonight. I had to get this off of my chest and wanted my family to be a part of our dinner time prayer. What was said is between God and my family but I also prayed for understanding and comfort for me. A sense of calm came over me and I was able to eat. I wanted to go for a run, but knew that we had a movie to watch that we paid $6 to rent, that's a story for another time, and wanted to be able to watch the 10 o'clock news. The movie was a comedy, I had a beer and sat down with my best friend (wife) and just relaxed but my mind wouldn't "power down" as I was hoping.
We watched the movie, had a few laughs, watched the 10 o'clock news (there I was), watched some more coverage and went to bed but sleep was not in the cards this night. I couldn't get my mind to shut off. How were my friends? Were there any more deaths? How can I help the "community? All questions still left unanswered. I saw the clock hit 11:00. 12:00. 1:00. Finally around 2:00 am I finally got to sleep. So much for "much needed rest".
I woke up later than normal, did my normal routine of washing lunch boxes, packing lunch, making coffee, making breakfast and getting ready for work all the while trying to keep my mind off of thinking. I wasn't myself this morning...lack of sleep may have something to do with it...
As I got in the car my first instinct was to turn off the radio. I didn't know if I wanted to hear anything more this morning, but there it was. The first report of the day that sucked me in and I was glued for the 20 minute drive to work. First hand accounts from reporters, runners, spectators.
When I got up this morning I threw on a race shirt. This was the way our "community" was going to stand strong. We are runners. We will persevere. I will be strong for my friends who were affected. I will be strong for our club and will support everyone who wants to discuss. But I sit here writing this in my Omaha Marathon shirt conflicted. I am supposed to be strong, but feel so weak. I am supposed to be happy that all of my friends are safe, but feel angry. I am supposed to be ready to run the biggest race of my life this weekend, but can't even focus on it.
September 11, 2001 will always have a place in my brain. I was glued to the TV for days/weeks but mostly because I was a journalism student and needed to be up-to-date on current events. I have no connection to the city of New York. I know of no one that was there on that day. But we were all left with a sense of Patriotism for the people that sacrificed their lives to save other people. My dad has been a firefighter for 30+ years. What would have happened if he were there. But the 2013 Boston Marathon is different. I know people there. I have studied the course. I know where the finish line is. I've watched course videos. I've spent hours looking at photos of race day. I've heard people talk about all of the good times that they've had during/after the race. I know the Boston Marathon. But I'm still left with the same question as 09/11...Why?
As I close this off, I want to point out the fact that I would love to help anyone involved in whatever way I can. I'm not rich so financial is out. I don't travel much so I don't know if I can travel to meet people. But I can offer this prayer to the One person that can heal all wounds. The One person that can fix a broken heart. The One person that knows why this happened and what we as humans/Americans can do to respond if we ask.
Dear God,
Thank you for this day. Another day to open my eyes and see the world. Another day to look at my wife and kids. There are some people today who won't get that chance. I pray for the people of Boston. I pray that like the people of New York City they are able to rise up from this cowardice act and make a better Boston. I pray for the people that traveled to Boston from all over the world. That they are able to go home and give their family members the hugs and kisses that they deserve. Only You know when our day and time will be called. I pray for the people of the nation that have watched the footage that they understand to not take today for granted. To say "I love you" to their kids and spouses and mend broken relationships. I pray for the people that were on the race course that day. I pray that they will seek you out to heal their emotional or psychological scars. I pray that people seek you out for answers. I pray that you will help heal the physical wounds of those who were affected. That You will give the doctors/nurses/surgeons steady hands and a heart that is soft to help people heal. I pray that the people who are responsible for this vicious act are apprehended and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. And for those people that did this...I pray for them. I don't know what they were going through. I pray that one day they will meet you and YOU will be the only judge of where they spend eternity. I pray for runners all over the world. I pray for all of their safety and that they never stop seeking out Boston. I pray that people continue to look at Boston as THE world marathon. Lord, today I also pray for me. For my healing. For my brain to know that You have all of the answers and that I can come to You for them.
I love you!
In Jesus name. Amen............
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